Chapter 6
Hence loathed Melancholy. -John Milton "L'Allegro."
Hence vain deluding joys. -John Milton "Il Penseroso."
"L'Allegro" and "Il Penseroso" have been regarded as
Milton's "companion poems" by almost every critic. I decided to
write my experience with their ideas but the nervous breakdown I
suffered was at the hands of God who had taken my mother and my
pleasure or mirth so I withdrew and became melancholy.I could not
be around people and like a poor man's Hamlet I wanted "to shuffle
off my mortal coil." I was becoming increasingly irritable at
certain times and getting high on the Arts at other times.I even
had the Haldol Shuffle.
After Mom's passing, I had moved in with my biker sister
and brother and got a measly pension. My room was cluttered with
poetry books as in Simon and Garfunkel's song "I Am A Rock". Then,
I began hearing voices from ghost artists telling me what to do or
how to behave. I started thinking like a child again and didn't
know whether to trust them. But, when I was alone I'd play The
Stones and "trip the light fantastic toe", that Milton mentioned
in L'Allegro. Then, in Milton's claim of "Sweetest Shakespeare,
fancy's child" my pleasure would be high and wild, and like "The
Tempest's' Prospero", I'd delight, magically, in such as "L'Allegro."
Then in my dreams I'd rest, with cloudy vision of Ophelia's
Little Mountain's "barren breast," but like Milton my words"forsook,"
in "Il Penseroso" her"fleshly nook." But without poets like Wordsworth
no poets would have written books about such things, nooks, streams
and treating women like UNfleshly dreams. So, I was put on pills for
paranoid-schizophrenia and bi-polar ills. For I have made a mess of
this paragraph, I confess.Then I heard the following crazy play I was
Leary of and involved in. It came in a drug-induced dream reminding
me that Donne, Milton and Blake all believed in beings on other worlds
which was "heresy" to the church. But, like E.R. Dodd's "The Greeks
And The Irrational" we are enlightened by poets, artists, musicians
and philosophers who seem wrong to the unacquainted, but often display
powerful, innovative ideas and profundity of feelings.
FACING THEM ( Progressive Insanities Of A Paranoid )
My sister Kari and my brother Rod
Were aliens sent by Mars, the War God
John Donne knew this in sixteen-thirty one
And in his wake there prophesied Milton
Blake claimed to see them with Milton as well
Yet the clergy ignore Ezekiel.
The Argument
There isn't any. I avoided treatment as long as I could. I think
Milton would have been sensible since he, too, had bi-polar it can
be surmised, especially when I've had it for 32 years, so I know a
bit of what I speak. Now come the hallucinations that keep me up
often for five or six days at a time and in the hospital the staff
said religion is a trigger for my illness. But, I got fooled again.
VOICE: I'm Shakespeare, and you're dying a coward;
unlike your valiant brother,Rod, you nerd.
GLEN: How did you know he drove a Valiant once?
VOICE: Did you hear me or are you still a dunce?
Don't avoid the topic but give up on
your craziness and lose your religion.
GLEN: So I should play music, like R.E.M.?
As a Christian, I don't know about them.
VOICE: It's time you learned to socialize and gain
compassion for others so grab a brain.
For there is more to know pathetic Glen,
Then what you dream of in your fool Heaven.
GLEN: I certainly wouldn't take your advice
because you're a sinner drowning in vice.
VOICE: I'm god of this world, and I live in all
I imagine like John Lennon whose call
is to people to join the human race
with love instead of turning a blind face.
GLEN: In the name of Christ begone foul demon!
The Bible is the one book worth readin'.
VOICE: "Without contraries is no progression";
as Blake once said with such true precision
and as he pointed out through Miltonic
writing that diversity heals the sick:
because if we read only just one book,
on a single path we will only look,
but "all the world's a stage" and you will fit
into a happier role "As you like it "
if you repent on fundamentalism
and share your dark thoughts with eclecticism.
GLEN: I know we all have bad thoughts and desires
but I want to escape burning hellfire.
VOICE:They are not bad but "darkness visible"
for black and white are indivisible
some people love the night more than the day
while others like white and some prefer gay
colours that will one day "bleed into one"
as U2 has assured everyone.
GLEN: I just want to be right, to know the truth.
VOICE: But the "expense of spirit" is your youth;
and when colours of skin, flags and dress
no longer cause much hatred and distress
only then will you find Heaven's cure
and have like Milton "th'upright heart and pure."
GLEN: You say good and bad things in your strange verse.
VOICE:It's the yin and yang of the universe.
GLEN: I will still want to believe in Jesus
though I'm starting to see the world needs us
to control "passionate intensity":
( fooled you with a line from Yeat's poetry ).
VOICE: That's much better and you're a quick learner,
now put your one god with the others
and like Joseph Campbell mark their masks
to find truly your life's appointed task.
GLEN: ( Crying ) But,"the meek will still inherit the earth?"
Especially those suffering since birth.
VOICE: And the lion and ox will also go
to Heaven, Nirvana, to learn to grow.
GLEN: ( Crossing himself ).What about Jesus? And the Holy cross?
VOICE: What about him? He's only one god lost.
GLEN: You mean the only holy god who died.
(Although with murderers crossed along side ).
VOICE: That was the customary way of killing then;
would you wear a pew had he the chair, Glen?
"I cannot conceive you" like Kent in Lear
but get out of your room and watch and hear;
but beware of your biker family
because they will test you as you will see.
GLEN: ( Shaking, looks at his watch, and takes 5 milligrams of Haldol.
He has no water left in his cup on his dresser ).
I still haven't found what I'm looking for.
VOICE:Get out of your room and lose even more;
but don't be dismayed and stand your own ground:
even Ali didn't win ev'ry round.
( Glen exits his room ).
SCENE II - The Kitchen
( Rod, Bob and Ron are drinking beer with Carrie. Enter
Glen with a cup in his hand ).
ROD: Hey, Glen, you came out of your lonely tomb;
have a beer, and tell us about your room.
GLEN: I think I'll just stick to a coffee brew.
ROD: How do you do that? With some crazy glue? ( They all laugh except
for Glen).
GLEN: ( Pours a coffee). So, Rod was it crowded at the Toy Run?
VOICE: Dumb question, and now they will have some fun.
ROD: No, I was the only one there, ya see. ( Again they laughed ).
GLEN: And I suppose you guys rode your Harleys?
ROD: No, we ran along behind all the way. ( Laughter ).
Got more questions or are ya gonna pray? ( They laugh as
Rod looks at his watch).
VOICE: Glen, tell him it's time to get a new watch.
GLEN: Time to get a new watch, you big Sasquatch.
ROD:Why should I get a watch? Did it break down? ( Glen looks at his
own watch, and they laugh again).
GLEN: Yes, as did the brain of a biker clown.
CARRIE: On your driver's licence where it says sex,
did you fill in no or just put an "X"? ( Laughter ).
GLEN: Your licence would read license with an "s".
CARRIE: Take a pill, for shit's sake. You're under stress.
BOB: Let's go to the pub. There's nothing going
on. Besides, Glen needs his rest from picking
up his stereo needle and hearing
love songs, instead of our biker swearing.( Laughter ).
GLEN: Well, don't punch out too many guys tonight.
ROD: What do ya mean? We've never had a fight;
we work in the pub kitchen making cakes.
remember, Bob, one cup of yeast it takes.
( They laugh and rise to leave; Rod is the last one out.
He whispers to Glen).
Keep trying, Glen and don't give up,okay? ( Rod winks and
slaps Glen on the back).
VOICE: You did well to face up to them today.
( Glen hears the revving up of Harleys).
SCENE III - The Kitchen
VOICE: Keep trying like Rod said and you'll be cool;
they just had some fun with you as the fool
yet as Hamlet loved his poor fool Yorick
he was indecisive and then grew sick
like you, so it's good to experience
and the gods love to see perserverance:
add a little danger to heat up life
like Chaucer did, and find your own Bath wife.
GLEN: What, like I should try drinking or smoking?
VOICE: Things go better with it to methinking.
GLEN: But coke, pot and street drugs are illegal.
VOICE: Because ministers treat you gullible
but even in your King James scriptures
nothing is said of cocaine or reefers
even Freud snorted drugs on occasion
but just use a little for recreation
and remember not to fear the bishops
for they have caused many holy mishaps.
GLEN: Maybe I'll try some coke. Just a sniffle.
VOICE: Try it but be careful just a little.
GLEN: They should have some up here in the cupboard.
( Pulls out a small zip-lock bag filled with white powder out
of the cupboard ).
VOICE: Do unto others and don't be bored.
GLEN: ( Stands catatonic for awhile, literally left holding the bag).
Do I dare? God help me but I feel I must
I need to know to strengthen any trust
we only learn through tough education.
VOICE: The gods are with you; proceed with caution.
You know naught about this sort of lifestyle.
GLEN: Well, here goes!I'm off to becoming wild! ( Begins sniffing and
snorting the powder ).
It smells sweet and it's making me feel sick
This stuff is evil; I need the sink quick! (Throws the bag
in the garbage,and begins to throw up until he is lying on the
kitchen floor, still barfing ).
VOICE: "To be or not to be, that's the question"
and today you have learned a strong lesson.
( Suddenly, there is a thundering roar of Harleys pulling
up in the driveway).
You're lying in your puke due to blind faith
but you're better off here I still sayeth
( The three bikers enter with Carrie. They see Glen on the
floor.)
RON: Holy, shit!Look at the little fucker!
He's gone and OD-ed on icing sugar!
He must have thought it was coke, the damned fool!( They help
Glen up and give him tissue to blow his nose).
We don't use coke anymore, it's not cool:
we gave it up for the Pepsi challenge. ( They laugh).
VOICE: This is Shakespeare, Glen. "All's Well That Ends Well."
VOICE: Get help Glen and escape "The Cope Of Hell."
( PL Book I line 345 )
ME( GLEN ): I am a Blind Mouth, and forsake the way
That has fooled bipolars until today.
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